Review: Neanderthal Opens The Door To The Universe

Neanderthal Opens The Door To The Universe by Preston Norton
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Here's the premise: Cliff Hubbard is a bit of a social retard. (Okay, that's probably not PC, but it's what kids would say). He's over six foot and, at 250 pounds is, hugely obese. His brother, also his best friend, has recently committed suicide; he lives in a trailer park; his father is an alcoholic; and he is teased constantly.

Basically, life's not very good.

Then, something strange happens. Aaron Zimmerman, massively cool jock who is one of Cliff's key tormentors - perhaps even the originator of his nickname 'Neanderthal' - has a boating accident. Everyone assumes he's going to die. Cliff has sort of mixed feelings about this: it's great he's no longer around, but he had been really determined to kick his butt, and if Aaron dies this sort of mucks up that plan.

But Aaron mucks up Cliff's plan further: he comes out of his coma, and talks to Cliff. An actual conversation, using his name, and being polite and everything. What is going on with the universe? Aaron claims he saw God and God gave him a list of things to do make Happy Valley High School suck less. Where does Cliff come in? God said that Aaron had to have Cliff as his side-kick. Cliff does get on board, suspiciously, but it seems like this magic list is doing more damage than good. Is Aaron just suffering from concussion? A logical conclusion, but, as the pair spend more time together, it's not something Cliff wants to believe. Surely, one person, just one, could like him for who he is without having sustained a massive brain injury.

Things sure get complicated...

I wanted to like this book; I really did. It sounded like fun - a quick read, a quick laugh, with the

Preston Norton

obligatory message that all YA books have these days. But... I just... didn't.

It's sort of hard to pinpoint why. One problem is it has a very slow start and I was getting pretty bored. But that wasn't all of it, obviously. The plot just didn't work. And I think the main problem was the characterisation, specifically, of Cliff. He's six foot and weighs 250 pounds. That's kind of the limit to his character. Okay, so there was a bit more character development than that, but really - for being such a ginormous size - he was a pretty flat character. And there's a relationship with a girl that really really doesn't work. It's unbelievable, out of character, unlikely, cringeworthy... just wrong.

I liked the references to '2001: A Space Odyssey.' That gets some points from me. But when the book tries to be all philosophical, I just got that squirmy feeling when someone's misjudged a situation and everyone feels all awkward. For example, Cliff's older brother said: "Life isn't just existing... It's a door. Don't you want to know what's on the other side? It just... well, it doesn't work. Not in this book.

I suppose I should give Norton some credit for the 'nod' to the LGBTQ community, but that's all it was: a nod. It didn't feel real. It felt like it was inserted into the book because that's what's 'in' in modern YA fiction at the moment, not because it meant anything to the author.

Like I said, I wanted to like it, and I persevered, but it was really disatisfying. By all means, go ahead and read it - I'd love to hear some positive reviews and maybe find out what I've missed, but - for me - this is a no.

Sorry Norton. Maybe I'll like your next book?

Thank you to NetGalley and Disney/Hyperion for the ARC copy to read. All thoughts and opinions are mine. This book will be released on May 22nd 2018.

Now this is definitely cooler. Crazy, but great. If you haven't watched it, you really should.

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Review: All Things New

All Things New by Lauren Miller
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is the first book I've read by Lauren Miller - and I don't think it will be my last. Her word-smithing is beautiful. (I think that's a word!) It's another teenage 'issue' fiction book, but it didn't bore me in the least, despite the plethora of books of that ilk being reeled out at the moment. This book has something different - difficult to pinpoint, but thrilling to read.

Jessa suffers from panic attacks. She has done since about eighth grade when her parents divorced. When her dad moved away, her mum forced her into therapy. Jessa's confused, but there's one things she clears about: she does notwant to talk about it. So, acting becomes Jessa's talent. Before, she got good grades and made her parents proud. Now, her grades are suffering, but as long as her mum can't seeher panic, it's not a problem. Right? When she finds Wren, her boyfriend, things become easier. He likes her in a simple way. She's pretty, and she knows what to say when. Who cares if it's all an act?

When Jessa overhears at a party that Wren has been cheating on her, her world splinters. That same night, she is in an awful accident. She can remember it - but not vividly. Because, after the accident, Jessa suffers from aphantasia. This is something I've never come across before, and it greatly interested me. She has memories, but no accompanying pictures to them. Inside her head, all there is is darkness. Outside, the world becomes a riot of colour - something apparently common for people suffering from this condition - but within her head there is nothing. But it gets worse. Jessa begins to realise that she's hallucinating. Hallucinating injuries onto people - scars, burns, bruises. When she

Lauren Miller herself

eventually confides in a doctor, it's suggested this is because she cannot cope with her own disfigurement; the accident has left her face badly scars and she refuses to confront mirrors. But is that all there is to it? Because the injuries change, and they're not similar to her own. Not everyone has scars, only people who are damaged on the inside. Is Jessa seeing their insides then, their souls? No, that's impossible. But the school counsellor, Dr I, is very open to any interpretation and it leaves Jessa wondering. Why can she see bruises on her new friend's Hannah's face, which keep getting worse, when no one else thinks anything is wrong? Why is Hannah's twin brother, an upbeat happy-go-lucky kinda guy, scarless - despite having a hole in his heart and a dangerous blood clot?

Oh, there's so much more to this story - but I can't write anymore without giving away any spoilers. I'll just say this - each time you think you have the measure of it, Miller turns everything on its head. Each time you think that Jessa's wrong - maybe she's right. It's a rollercoaster ride of a book. I found myself explaining the entire plot line of this book to someone and was practically bouncing as I described it! It's absolutely fascinating, the whole of it: the aphantasia, the hallucinations, the relationships, the philosophy, even her English class studying 'A Picture of Dorian Gray.'

The ending is superb. Miller leaves you with the choice of what you want to believe. This wasn't the book I expected to read.

And for the romance lovers out there - don't worry, there's something for you too!

All in all, a huge thanks to NetGalley and to Three Saints Press for the opportunity to read this. Please, go out and buy a copy - what are you waiting for??

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